F is for Fired

"i'm sorry to tell you this, but today is your last day working here..."

I'm sure many who read this have heard those words, or some version of them, before.  Perhaps many times.  This wasn't the first time i've felt that tightening in the pit of my stomach and i realized that things were going to Be Different now, whether i liked it or not.

But this was a Very Different different.

These words were spoken by the same person who had called me just weeks before to apologize for how our earlier meeting had gone, saying that he "didn't want me to be worried about my job or anything".  The same voice that told me he "didn't see any reason why two Godly men couldn't figure out a way to work together".

I admit, it had been Difficult working for this 'Man of god' over the last few years.  We had certainly had our share of disagreements, and earlier that very day had been another of those times.  But his words filled me with hope.  I sent him an email that very night thanking him for his apology and promising to pray for him daily and for us as we worked toward a new future together.  He replied immediately saying he was touched by my words.  Things were moving in a great direction.  I just knew that with us working toward our common goals, it was going to be a Great Year for our Church.

Several weeks passed and we were never able to revisit our conversations, but i saw no reason for concern.  Ministry is a busy occupation.  These things happen.  I was buried in a new Tech Upgrade for the church.  He was occupied with 'other things'.  [It was only later that i came to know that those 'other things' were lining up my replacements in advance of firing me.]

And then i got the call to come into his office on that Monday, and i just knew something was Not Good...

"Do you have any questions?" he said.

"well, yes i do but it's not really going to make any difference is it?"

"no", he said, "It won't".

The rest of the meeting was mostly him telling me how much better it was to do this suddenly without me knowing about it ahead of time; how i didn't understand it today but it was easier this way.  It's been 365 todays.  I still don't understand.

He also told me repeatedly how difficult the last few weeks had been for him while he kept this from me; as if me knowing his discomfort was ending would somehow make my next several months of pain and uncertainty easier to bear.

He never actually told me why i was fired.  I never asked.  I knew it really didn't matter.

Paperwork.  Legal Stuff.  Various blurry details.

And it was done.  I had given my life to this church, to this man's ministry, and now it was over.  i was cast out.  The man who had told me so many times before that he was "For" me was done with me.  No explanation.  Just a weak "i'm sorry" lobbed at my back as i walked out of his office.

The rest of that day was mostly spent gathering all my personal belongings from the building while trying not to notice that the entire church staff was avoiding me.

And then two days of enforced silence wherein i was forbidden to share my situation so that He could be The One to tell My teams what had happened...  So that He could explain to everyone what a Good Thing this was going to be and how Good and Fair and Generous he had been to me.

Which they didn't believe.  Since they knew me.  And they also knew this 'Man of god'.  And since it was, of course, a Complete and Total Lie.

The story continued of course.  But that's enough for today.