F is for Focus

It was about ten years ago.  I was living in a one room apartment over an old plantation house in Maryland.  My life was a mess.  Years of substance abuse and chaotic living had left me alone and feeling empty.  I knew my life lacked focus.  I knew something was missing.  I just wasn't sure what it was.

It was another ‘Come to Our Church! We’re Different and We’ll Change Your Life!’ sign stuck in the median on a Sunday Morning.  I had grown up in church but i hadn’t been anywhere regularly in years.  The thought occurred to me that maybe i should change that.  Couldn’t hurt.  Might help.

And so it was that several weeks later, on my way home from my ‘first choice’ church i decided to stop by another church i had planned to check out at some point.  The elementary school cafeteria didn’t impress much, but the standing room only crowd certainly did.  There was something going on here.  I was intrigued.  The Kansas cover as special music sealed it.  This was a place i had to learn more about.

And so i did learn more.  And there was a lot to like.  Solid music program, Dynamic teaching, and Truth balanced with a spirit of Grace in a way that i had not ever experienced before.  Exactly the kind of place that a messed up guy like me needed.

And so it was that even as a still struggling addict and alcoholic i found himself attending my ‘second choice’ church regularly, and even playing in the band.  And i quickly found myself becoming an integral member of the most amazing community of people i've ever known.

Over the next several years i gradually progressed from a band member, through a part-time staff member, to eventually being named the full-time Creative Arts Director of the church, a job i had dreamed of having since i was teenager.  And it was, without a doubt, the best job i have ever had in my life.

It would be easy to dismiss the things i write here as the work of a disgruntled ex-church worker who just wants to toss grenades over his shoulder on his way out the door.  The reality is just the opposite.  I LOVE my church.  This church literally helped save my life.  I loved serving it’s people, my music and tech teams, and my fellow staff members.

No, my purpose in sharing my experiences is not to destroy this church, it’s to build up The Church.  Too many Mogs have gotten away with far too much spiritual abuse.  Too many victims have remained silent for fear of ‘creating division within the Kingdom’.  Too many people have been bullied or shamed into silence, or been mesmerized by the Reality Distortion Field.

I’m aware that mine is just one small voice ‘crying in the wilderness’.  I’m aware that i’m not likely to right the wrongs of this church, or the Evangelical Church with my tiny little blog.  Throwing back a few stranded starfish on a beach covered with them might not 'make a difference' in the grand scheme of things.  But it just might save a few...