F is for FAQ..

When i set out to write this blog, i knew there would be people that would think less of me as a result.    Since i already knew the kinds of things that were being said about me already, i was and am perfectly willing to accept that.  One of the oldest defenses in the world against inconvenient truth is to shoot the messenger.   i don't like it, but i understand it goes with the territory.

However, the one thing i did underestimate is the degree to which my motivations would be misunderstood.  So as much as i really don't want to make myself the focus of this blog, here's a little FAQ for those who aren't sure what this is all about.

1.  Is this just all because you're bitter and seeking revenge?  

The dictionary defines bitterness as [a person feeling] angry, hurt, or resentful because of one's bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment.  I've certainly experienced my share of these feelings, and i'm sure i haven't completely divested myself of them yet.  But that's not what's driving me to speak out.  And believe me when i say that i know enough intimate details about the people involved in this situation to exact significant personal revenge.  But that would be neither God-honoring nor helpful to me or anyone else.

2.  Couldn't this be handled better in private?  

The Matthew 18 conflict resolution model declares that we should first confront in person, then with another, then to the church.  I can assure you that i have confronted the Mog on every issue i raise in this blog multiple times without resolution.  I can also assure you that i have brought my concerns to the Mog with another pastor of the church again without any resolution.  My next Biblical step is to bring it to the church.  Since i have been cast out of the the Mog's church i have no other way to share it with that body than to declare it openly in public.  It is also my desire to share it openly with The Greater Church so that other church leaders and members can learn from my experience and  grow from it as well.

3.  Aren't you concerned with what affect this will have on your reputation?  

No, not really.  I have lived through some pretty difficult things and have survived a damaged reputation more than once.  I'm certain that those who know me will always know who i am.  And, of course, God knows the truth as well.

4.  Aren't you worried you'll never get another church job again?  

In short, no.  I have a close friend who has experienced much of the same things i have in his ministry career, but he cannot speak up out of fear for what that would mean for his future employment.  However, I am in the unique position of having had a successful career before i ever became a full-time church staff member.  I've already returned to that career and am doing just fine.

5.  Aren't some of the things you say Libelous?  

Well, in legal terms the best defense against a libel suit is The Truth.  In my blog i am very careful to distinguish between Facts that i can support with evidence or personal experience and my Personal Opinions, which i am of course free to express thanks to the First Amendment.  


So, why do this at all?  The answer is actually really simple.  Too many Mogs have gotten away with abusive practices for too long.  The abused endure it until they cannot and then they leave or are shown the door.  But due to a Christian culture of silence as well as people's reluctance to speak out for fear of losing their financial security or their status in the community none of this ever comes to light.  I'm in the unique position of being able to do something about that.

On the day he fired me the Mog told me that once he had informed the music team of my dismissal i was "free to speak to whomever i wanted about whatever i wanted".  He told me that he knew i would "share my version of the truth" and that was fine with him.  I'm just taking him at his word.

F is for Follow

One of the Mog's favorite sayings is "Everyone is Following Someone".  He goes on in his message closing nearly every week to say that "at 23 years of age" he chose to follow Jesus and then encourages his audience to do the same.  But my close interactions with the man for nearly ten years lead me to believe that he has little interest in whether his staff is following after God; he cares only that they follow after Him.

Just a few weeks after i started working at the Mog's church the Operations Director pulled me aside after a staff meeting with an incredulous look on her face.  "How do you get away with saying no to him?", referring to my willingness to disagree with the aforementioned Mog.  I found the question very odd.  After all, when i was hired the Mog had assured me that healthy discussion between himself and the staff was always encouraged.  And i took him at his word.  As i would see after i'd worked there a while, the staff already knew better.

After i had been working at the Mog's church for a few years it was decided that the staff would participate in an anonymous Best Christian Workplaces survey designed to evaluate the overall health of the staff culture.  I thought this was a great idea and said so to the Mog, although i cautioned him that the results might surprise him since i knew the kinds of things the staff said about him when he wasn't around.  But when the results came in, i was the one with the big surprise.  It seemed that the only one willing to answer honestly on an anonymous survey was me.  Apparently the staff knew what i did not.  To the Mog, 'anonymous' doesn't mean what you think it means.

Two months later i sat in the Mog's office along with the Mogette [i'll get to her in some future posts i'm sure] for my employee evaluation.  In that meeting i made it clear that i absolutely loved my job. But i also made it clear that working with the Mog was often very challenging.  While i had hoped this would spark some great discussion on how to improve our working relationship, instead i was witness to a truly epic red faced rant [more on this later as well] during which i was asked point blank if i had been the one to give the less than positive responses on the anonymous BCW survey that was specifically designed to "Discover the Health of your Organization".  I'm going to pause a second to let that sink in...

Yes, you read that right.  The Mog actually made me reveal my answers to an anonymous survey specifically designed to gauge the health of the Staff Culture he was leading.  ummm...  what?

So i learned a lot in my time with the Mog and his staff.  And he's right, everyone is following someone.  And the Mog's staff knows full well who they better follow.  Otherwise they might end up Just.  Like.  Me.



[Note:  To the staff members that have chosen to distance themselves from me now due to this blog...  I understand.  I have bills to pay too...]